Dear Mr. McAgent,

I apologize for the following unprofessional and inappropriate note.

Yesterday I queried you for a literary fiction novel. After hitting ‘submit,’ I ate a salad, took a ten-minute nap, and when I returned to my computer, your rejection email was there waiting for me. While I appreciate your efficiency and your reply (so many agents don’t) the speed of the rejection was demoralizing.

Of course you owe us struggling writers nothing, but here is my plea: Give us time to hope. Let us think that maybe you’re mulling it over. Sending a query is like buying a lottery ticket. You know the odds but until the numbers are drawn, you dream.

Maybe wait a day, or at least a full afternoon, before sending the dream-crushing bad news. Not knowing isn’t always the worst thing.

Sincerely,

Jenifer Adams-Mitchell

(I didn’t send this. Probably because, smartly, he doesn’t list his email or mailing address. Thank god!)