A Rest for Spoons

This is from a RBWG prompt, “Write about your character picking up items in a room.”

She picked up the spoon rest from the stovetop. In the shape of a sunflower, obviously an amateur’s art project, the yellow from the petals had run down into the brown seeping up from the flower’s center. Their mingling created a color reminiscent of manure. The stem was two different shades of green, perhaps to give depth? But they, too, had run together prior to the glazing process. A chunk was broken off the bottom right corner of the stem.
So ugly, so clunky, Nancy hated even holding it.
She looked around the kitchen. Warm afternoon sunlight filled the room from its two best features—a large window looking out to the backyard and another one, with lead panes, overlooking the side yard. Everything else about the room was terrible. Barb, Jeff’s first wife, his dead wife, had not decorated. Nothing matched—a white refrigerator, cream dishwasher, black stove, a faux wood microwave (how old was that thing?). From the black, white, and red checkered linoleum to the dark wood cabinets to the outdated wallpaper border of different species of birds, the whole thing gave her a headache.
“Let’s move,” she’d said to Jeff. They’d just returned from their beach wedding in the Bahamas and were unpacking their suitcases. Two weeks in the simple cabana, steps to the turquoise waters, a double hammock on the shady porch, with a man so perfect she wouldn’t have dared dream him up, had filled her with…. She couldn’t even think of the appropriate word. Contentment, maybe? Not strong enough. Joy. Yes. Joy. It’d taken thirty-six years to find him. All the jerks she’d been through, the gamesmanship, the lies, the jealousies, pettiness. But with Jeff, it’d been so simple. He didn’t hide his loneliness, his sadness, his need to fill the empty spot beside him. And she’d simply walked into it. But coming back here, to this house with nothing of her in it, her joy began seeping away.
He didn’t want to move though. “Not the right time,” he’d said, turning to put an incorrectly folded T-shirt in the drawer. She fought the urge to walk over and refold it. Then he’d turned back towards her. With his soft, low voice that sounded like a caress he said, “I know you might not be comfortable here yet. It has to be  hard for you.” He looked around the bedroom. The memories he must have in this room made her grit her teeth. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Make it yours. Whatever you need to do.”
It had turned into her full-time job.
She sighed and shifted her weight to her other hip as she flipped over the sunflower, wondering which of Jeff’s kids made this awful thing, wondering whose permission she’d have to ask to get rid of it.
A smile drew up the corners of her lips. Her shoulders relaxed. “Made by Barb” was scrawled in fat brush strokes along the underside of the stem, followed by an attempt at a smiley face.
Did it have a story? Nancy was sure it did. Probably a mother/daughter trip to the ceramic store or maybe a Brownie field trip or some other sweet, selfless thing. She was tired of asking Jeff about these items—the bear-shaped cookie jar with the broken ear, the garishly painted rocks holding open the French doors. It hurt to see the sentimental softening of the corners of his eyes for someone he could no longer have.
She strode across the kitchen and waved her hand over the new stainless steel auto-opening trash. The sunflower made a satisfying tha-chunk as it hit the side and then the bottom of the plastic liner.

Monsters

The water boiled. I poured it into my mug over the tea bag that floated until it became saturated and sank to the bottom. Even though our pellet stove had been glowing hot for at least an hour, it hadn’t made a dent in the cool morning. The steam from my Lemon Zinger curled up and up. At least my hands were warm against the hot porcelain.

I walked to our patio door and looked out into our yard. Although trying, the sun hadn’t come up yet. Or maybe it would be an overcast day. Regardless, everything outside was gray/brown blurs lacking depth in the predawn light. As I scanned the familiar lines of our trees and bushes, my heart stopped. Something out there was not familiar. Its shape, height, shade—nothing about it was familiar. It did not belong. My heart sped up yet I froze in place. While nothing else in our yard moved, it did. Was it moving towards the house? Towards me? Did it see me standing here in the patio door?

My mind scanned through the things it should be – a deer, the neighbor’s dog, something covered in a tarp that Mitch had left out last night. But nothing fit. Rational me said monsters do not exist, fantastical creatures that eat women standing in front of patio doors drinking herbal tea do not exist. But irrational me trembled.

Mitch keeps a pair of binoculars handy to watch his Bluebird boxes and to study everything that wanders through our yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them on the dining room table, only two steps away. But, and this was most curious to me, I was afraid to grab them. Rational me said that focusing the binoculars on the monster would solve the mystery, show I had nothing to fear. Irrational me, for some reason I don’t understand, feared knowing the truth.

Rational me won the battle. With each adjustment of the lenses the monster became crisp, real. In the foreground of a bayberry bush, a doe stood patiently as her fawn nursed, her head the only thing moving as she constantly surveyed the area for threats. Peaceful. Beautiful.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt  –Jenifer Adams-Mitchell

Lurking

Mid-morning munchies hit. What do I want? Plain yogurt? No. Milk? No. Cold quinoa? Definitely no. Nothing inside the refrigerator beckons no matter how long I hold the door open.

Giving a wide berth to my baking goods cabinet which I know holds chocolate chips I wander over to the pantry. Mixed nuts? Maybe. Crackers? Yes! But they’re not on the new “low-carb lifestyle” we’ve recently adopted. Three boxes of them huddle on a shelf. I should toss them so they don’t tempt, but my mom’s ingrained frugality forbids it.

I sigh and look directly at the mostly full bags of snacks on the Healthy Shelf. Goji berries,  prunes, Craisins, shaved coconut chips, pumpkin seeds. (I will never tell my mom how much I paid for these uneaten superfoods.) And the one bag, never opened, peeking out from behind the others – mushroom jerky,

At the Omaha airport the TSA agent studied it much like I am now.

“Hmmm. Mushroom jerky. How is it?” he asked, eyes narrowed. Maybe he was an undercover Omaha Steaks spy.

“I’m afraid to try it,” I said sheepishly.

And that is the truth.

This bag of mushroom jerky has covered many miles with me – to Nebraska, to Baltimore, to Philadelphia, to Salisbury. When I travel, especially by car, I munch.

I remember seeing it in the store and thinking, “What a great idea!” In addition to lower carbs, we’ve given up meat. But I do crave jerky every once in a while. Who doesn’t love gnawing on a salty hunk of dried-out beef for a half-hour?

When I got home from the grocery store, I set the mushroom jerky beside my purse along with my other travel snacks–pistachios, veggie stix (yes-the extremely processed, carb-dense, nothing vegetable-ish about them chips), spicy trail mix, and a few mandarin oranges – for my trip to Nebraska the next morning.

Just me and the mushroom jerky returned.

One day I will summon my courage. But I’m not feeling brave this morning. Mixed nuts anyone?

Reading “To Save the World”

On November 8th at 1:05 pm I took a drink from my water bottle, placed it on the floor next to the podium, attempted a smile at the roomful of friends seated in front of me, and began what I’d been dreading for the last eleven months.

trap pond reading

Late last December I received notification from the Delaware Division of Arts that I’d been awarded the Emerging Professional Fellowship for Literary Fiction for 2019. I cried. Right when you think you can’t take one more rejection, something like this happens and gives you renewed hope. Somebody liked my writing. Receiving this fellowship, more than anything, gave me confidence in my skills and the encouragement to continue the struggle.

The fellowship came with a generous grant made possible by The Delaware Division of Arts, The National Endowment for the Arts, and the Delaware General Assembly. The wonderful thing about it was that the money had to be used to further my work. Writing retreat, writer’s conference, books, classes, memberships, creating a writing space – these things that I normally wouldn’t consider because of the cost or time were now possible. It is the best gift I’ve ever received.

Only one thing dampened my excitement. I knew before I applied about this one requirement of the DDoA. But still, when I read the words in the DDoA contract, my stomach turned over. I’d be required to do a public reading.

In normal readings, the author chooses an excerpt from her most recently published work. Something that will pique curiosity, encourage sales. But I don’t have anything published yet. For the DDoA application, I’d submitted two chapters of my novel, Cottonwood. It seemed weird to recite chapters from a book that no one else could read or purchase.

But last spring I’d taken a long form essay class from Maribeth Fisher, the executive director of the Rehoboth Beach Writer’s Guild. I feel strongly about connecting with nature and how that connection is necessary to save our environment. Maribeth pushed me to fill out the skeleton of ideas I had until I came to an uncomfortable conclusion. Yet it was a conclusion and it was something I could read, beginning to end, in a relatively short amount of time (unlike a 108,000 word novel!).

And that brings me back to 1:05 pm on November 8th. I’d read the pages lying on the podium in front of me countless times. I’d read them silently, whispered, out loud, out loud standing up, out loud standing in a large empty room, to my dog, to my cat. Mitch heard me so many times, he knew it by heart. Paul from Free Writes had told me to enunciate my ‘t’s and speak slowly which I practiced over and over. Still, the nerves. But when I opened my mouth, my voice came out. No squeaks or coughing attacks or stutters.  And before anyone could fall asleep, it was over!

Thank you to everyone who came to listen and support me and who said kind things afterwards. It meant more to me than you can imagine. And thank you to Trap Pond State Park for allowing me to use the incredible Baldcypress Nature Center for my backdrop and for taking us on a nature hike afterwards. And thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you to the Delaware Division of Arts!!!

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Grapefruit and Jeans

Where are these women for whom the clothes designers make jeans? I want to see these size 8 women with either no waist, or no hips, or no thighs, and long crotches. Jeans which fit comfortably around my hips and butt leave a gap in the waistband large enough to catch a grapefruit. And the crotches sag, bunch, and gather as if I needed to fit a penis down there. Of course you know what happens if the waist fits—the thread in the outer seams requires superman-like powers to hold in the flesh. And still the crotches. What is it with these long crotches??

I used to pity women who said, “God, I hate shopping for jeans.” I never used to have problems. I’ve gone up a size or two since the days when my only decision was which color to add to my wardrobe instead of which body part I wanted to sacrifice. But proportionately, I’ve stayed about the same.

I blame Spandex (an anagram of the word ‘expands’). That darn polyether-polyurea copolymer necessary in running tights has ruined jeans. Don’t get me wrong—I love being able to sit down in a tight pair of jeans. And being able to say yes to that fifth slice of pizza. And choosing from the size 8 section instead of what would have been size 10 pre-Spandex. But since companies have started weaving this diplomatic fiber into our faded friends, nothing fits. And don’t get me started on the longevity of the Spandex/denim combo. (Anyone else get those unflattering little puckers in jeans after about a year of wear?)

If I thought eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies a day would fill out my waist to fit my jeans, I might do it. But I know those cookies would skip my waist and go straight to the thighs, leaving me in the same predicament just a different size. So I guess my only option is a tourniquet—I mean belt—or the long sweater/blouse/tee to shield the waistband gap from those pesky dropping grapefruit.